A 44 year old suburbanite who spends much of the day laughing, drinking coffee, beating the office keyboard into submission and thinking about the small of a woman’s back. When I’m not being as productive as the above, I can usually be found, avoiding reality TV, searching for caffeine free coffee cake recipes online, buying new keyboards on ebay and trawling Google searches with the assistance of these keywords: ‘curvaceous+mature+sheer+scantily+clad’.

Do you recognise and appreciate these words: Curvaceous, fuller figured, a truly womanly shape fighting to free itself from a tight bra.
You’ll be imaginative, adventurous type, mature and immature in equal parts, uninhibited and carefree.
You'll have at least one of these items in the top drawer of your bedside table:
1) A vibrating device in constant need of new batteries
2) A DVD remote control and a few DVDs with the words ‘Big Naturals’ or 'Amateur Action' in the title.