Guide To Watching Emotional Movies with a Lady Friend

By Reg Bartley
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19 Jun, 07 - 9 Comments.

Say you there, yes you! No - not you, the guy behind you. Is that a tear I see in your eye? It is? You must feel really feminine right now - and/or disgraced? You think it's perfectly acceptable to gently weep at a modern day picture film such as Kate & Leopold or Serendipity?

You are sorely mistaken, and most likely haven't got a girlfriend. I'm right aren't I? Aren't I?? Yes. Well at least you're willing to admit it.

Well fear no more, your troubles are all but over. There may be no way to change you from being a sissy man - but by gum we can try and disguise it, in my first article entitled Reg Bartley's Easy New and Improved Super-Duper No More Sissy Man Guide To Success©.

Part 1: The Moving Picture Films

We've all been dragged along by our significant other or matron to endure the perils of a Meg Ryan film before, haven't we? And we've all encountered a tragic tale where two lovers (most likely a sassy Tom Hanks in the role of a widowed accountant on the search for love) lose each other under impossible circumstances, haven't we?? However, no matter how much you try, there is always a tendency to shed a tear. This is what Reg Bartley likes to call a REG BARLTEY NO! NO!©

Your first tip in trying to cover up your emotions is simple, and has been used successfully throughout countless generations [excluding the 1980s]. As the film reaches its pivotal climax (most likely a death/kiss scene) gently move your head down, whispering to your significant others ear:

"Heavens me, my shoe lace seems to have come undone. Excuse me while I correct this unfortunate mishap," or

"Is that an unused packet of Blueberry Hubba Bubba on the floor?" or Reg Bartley's Personal Favourite...

"Look at the cuffs of my trousers. I am both shocked and appalled at the tailorship, and I must inspect them further."

Now you have made your intentions clear, you are free to move your head into REG BARTLEYS HEAD ZONE©. The convenient gap between the floor and seat which lacks any visible light to hapless onlookers. While in the REG BARLTEY HEAD ZONE©, you are free to wipe away any tears that have appeared or may appear - while at the same time still able to watch the final scenes of the film using the corner of your eye.

But I am unable to make such sparkling reparte' so believable, I hear you think and/or say aloud/silenty? Never fear, REG BARLTEY© has the solution! with REG BARLTEYS LOVE SOULOUTION #9©

Throughout this whole romantic evening, you have no doubt been pursuing to touch and/or hold your acquaintance's hand (TIPS AVAILIBLE IN REG BARTLEYS HOLDING HANDS FOR BEGINNERS©).

Well sonny, it's time to kill two birds with one stone and/or stones. No doubt the film will have some effect on your ladies tear ducts, and she may need some comforting. Take this invaluable opportunity to show both your manly strength as a "comforting protector" while simultaneously wiping away your girly tears. Here's how it works:

As she starts to weep, place your arm gently around her opposing arm pulling her in tight towards you (both to show your manly strength, and to constrict her from being able to use her hands to slap you). As this is done, pull her head close to yours and give a soothing "fatherly" peck on her forehead. While she is distracted by your nurturing side, subtly use her hair to soak up any tears that may be emerging. If she has short and/or no hair or has just emerged from a tour of duty in the Gulf, you may want to use your overly hairy and/or manly forearms with ratiocinative delicacy. Continue process until tears have subsided.

If I'm so girly that I may cry at a film, then how ever shall I be able to pull of such a confident task?

Never fear, REG BARLTEY always has a superior PLAN B, entitled REG BARTLEYS SUPIOR PLAN B©.

Again, as the film reaches its heart-wrenching moment, raise your arms in the REG BARLTEY YAWNING FASHION©. While arms are stretched in the air, yawn in a style that dictates that you are both disinterested and unaffected by the emotional quotient of the film. While your woman-to-be groans in disgust at your lack of attention span and insensitivity, brush your now outstretched arms past your face - collecting any loose tears that may be lingering on your less than masculine and/or malformed face. Again, you may continue to watch the end of the film and your counterpart will be none the wiser.

PLEASE NOTE: REG BARTLEY DOES NOT SUGGEST YOU WEAR ANY KIND OF LEATHER AS IT MAY OR MAY NOT LEAVE TEAR RESIDUE ON ITS SLEEVE. THUSLY INVALIDATING YOUR CLEVER RUSE.

So follow these easy steps, and you too could actually gain respect from someone of the opposite sex….THE REG BARTLEY WAY!©