doing my best...?... who knows...

By hardQLDguy
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11 Sep, 08 - 2 Comments.

ok.. hmmm.. i've given up smoking as of father's day... and going from a pack a day smoker for nearly 20 years to nothing has been a challenge... but .. in the grand scheme of thing's ... stuff-all in comparison to some of the shi# i've gone through in the last year... but... who's complaining?... i guess me...haha, but that's just the rambleing's of a nutter.

this is my very first blog... so be gentle., i've no clue on what to put in here, i guess i will just throw out what comes to mind when im typing it..

my 9yo daughter wont talk to her mother, who can blame her after sll she's gone through, and the fact that she's old enough to understand what is going on in her little life...

my 6yo and 3yo son dont understand what is going on, but i've done my very best to help them all transition through this,,

i look at myself in the mirror and feel scared somtimes.. have i done my best?.. heck... who know's i guess time will tell , and it's only in the long road does anyone see the complete result's of their decision's that they have made in life, i guess that's where the term " hindsight " came from...lol...anyways.. back to my rambeling's..

where's their mum you may think to yourself.. well.. contrary to the "normal" way seperation's go.. im find that this one has been a definate shocker...

i mean .,. people seperate all the time, .. it's not too bad when it's just two people who had a relationship and now no longer wish to have anything to do with each other.. but when kids are involved.. it's a completely different ballgame..

well./... you would think so...or .. hope so anyway.. like ... doing the right thing.. and going to couselling to help the children understand that mommy and daddy wont be living together anymore... and that mommy and daddy love them with all their heart and that it's not their fault that mummy and daddy are seperating.. but that mummy and daddy will allways be there for them whenever they need them..etc..etc..

but .. unfortunatly ... this is NOT the case most times... in an ideal suituation.. yes.. IF both parties work together to ensure the feeling's of the children are of the highest priority.. then yes,, it can work..but when only one person is ...making any effort to help the kids.. it's pretty darn hard.. but managable.. but .. the parent trying.. is left wondering if they have done all they can do..

the damage of parent's seperating cannot be measured i feel in it's entirety untill the child has grown up.. or.. if you are like me... can see the damage being created day by day and are doing my best to deal with it on a daily basis..

if our life in the last 12 month's was a movie or a book... it would be a best seller i can say that without pause...lol..

im not asking for assistance, im not asking for redemption, im not asking for judgement..

comment?.. yea sure.. why not... i can deal with reading people's thought's on all of this...and will definatly have to add further info, as undoubtedly people will ask for it..lol